Saturday, March 31, 2018

of past and present.

I will be lying if I've never think about how it will be if I take the other options in life.

The other decisions.

What if I turns back time, and make different calls in life.
Will it be different? Will I be happier?

It's not that I'm not happy with how things going now.
It's just that these past weeks I have been thinking what will happen if my life turns the other way.

Curiosity. Curious. Ingin tahu, sungguh.


Thursday, February 01, 2018

Qaseh Khadijah

21 January 2018, 8:58AM.

When I hold her tight in my arm...
... My whole world, priority and perspective changes.

It is surreal. I don't know how to describe it fully.

As I started my azan, she looks directly at me.
Just the three of us, in the labor room.
it was beautiful moment, the one I won't ever forget.
She kept quiet throughout the azan, calmly listening.
It felt like she understands every words that I recites.

Allahu Akbar.

I am not a perfect person, but I will try to be one for her.
I know this will be a tough year for us.
but, I will make sure you will grow up happy.
Daddy and Mommy will be here for you...

... our dear Qaseh Khadijah.




Monday, December 25, 2017

anxious.

In a few days, my wife will be 9 months pregnant.

Many things flew in and out of my head.
I am scared, yet I am happy.

Life after marriage, is different.
I admit, it is hard..
but somehow I still manage to hold on.

Life is not as luxurious as before,
but I'm happier.

and I guess that's important.

To be happy, than to be alone.

I used to be very skeptical on marriage.
questioning on why people commit when they're not ready financially.

I have the answer now.

You can never be ready, if you don't have a target.

Once I met her, I know what my target is, what my dreams are.

Now, our little ones will be born, Insya Allah.
Things will be more challenging, but I hope I am ready to manage.


Thursday, June 15, 2017

Iri.duri.

Alhamdulillah,
Hampir tiga bulan kami berdua, Insya Allah, jika diizinkan tuhan tidak lama lagi, bertiga.

Rezeki kebahagiaan ini hanya tuhan sahaja mampu beri.
Tidak sangka hamba-mu yang penuh dengan kesilapan dan kecacatan ini, masih lagi diberi peluang untuk hidup bahagia.

Bahagia itu subjektif, di rumah aku terasa bagai syurga.
Setiap kali lihat wajah si-dia, aku rasa seperti di awangan.

"Aku harap perasaan ini berkekalan, dan aku harap kami sentiasa begini hingga akhir hayat"

Namun, di tempat kerja, aku rasa hambarnya begitu terasa.

Entah kenapa, sejak tahun lepas suasananya berubah sungguh.
Dahulu, aku mudah berhubung dengan semua, semuanya baik sahaja. Akrab.

Kini, aku rasa begitu jauh terpisahnya ukhwah.
Bukan semua, namun dengan segelintir individu yang pernah aku rapat dahulu.


Dahulu,
Tiap kali bertemu, paling kurang senyuman akan dilemparkan.
Setiap kali ada masa, borak panjang itu wajib.
Bertukar cerita, berkongsi pengalaman, ketawa.
Tidak janggal, rapatnya ukhwah terasa bagai adik beradik meskipun jauh jarak umurnya.

Kini,
berubah sama sekali, contradict.
Bila terserempak tidak bertegur, apatah lagi senyum.
Kadang aku terfikir, salah apa pula aku sudah buat ni?

Bukan seorang, dengan sahabat yang paling rapat juga begitu,
Dahulu segala perkara dicerita bagai tidak berhenti.
Kini, pelik tiba-tiba diasingkan aku tanpa usul bicara.

Aku pun, mungkin ego, malas mahu mengambil tahu.
Silap langkah juga daripada pihak aku.
Mengenang diri diasingkan kadangkala timbul juga iri, dengki.
Namun aku buang semua itu, tiada faedah pun.

Tidak guna mengeruhkan keadaan.

Aku harap ada insan akan bercerita kepada aku, kenapa sampai begini jadinya...
Adakah wujud pemutar cerita penyebab cela dalam perhubungan,
atau aku sendiri yang bersalah tanpa sedar.

Wallahualam.

Aku harap semuanya akan menjadi baik.
Kerana doa aku sentiasa ditujukan kepada kebahagiaan keluarga, isteriku dan rakan-rakan.

Wednesday, March 08, 2017

debar.

... dan masa yang singkat itu, membuatkan aku selalu terfikir sendirian sekarang.

Hidup bakal berubah, rutin dan keutamaan tidak akan sama.
Selepas ini semuanya bakal diputuskan berdua.
Cabaran hidup, momen indah, sedih, duka semuanya berdua.

Tuhan, aku minta semuanya dipermudahkan.
Kekalkanlah kami bersama hingga ke akhir usia,
berikanlah kami kehidupan yang bahagia.

Jika kami diuji, kuatkanlah hati kami, permudahkanlah perjalanan ujian itu.

amin.

Thursday, February 02, 2017

Hard.


It is not easy to just throw one of the most important phase of your life away, to just forget.

I can't.

I want to move on, yes I can, but to forget and think like it has never happened. I can't.
It won't do any justice to the wonderful things that has happened.

No, I don't want to turn and get back like we used to.
I have someone else to care for now.

I just don't want to remove the memories I have with you.
Instead, I want to cherish that memory from start until the end.

I am deleting the visuals and pictures of our time together,
but I will never forget you.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

kita ada misi.

You can never predict your future.

You can work for it, but somehow you can never predict what will happen along the way.
The future may be the thing you want, but sometimes it may not be the thing you dream of.

Looking back on how my life back then, my routine and my decisions is like seeing a different man and different person. A stranger I must say.

Months left before the big day...
I can't wait, somehow...

I promised a good life, but I don't promise it to be sweet , unchallenged.
Challenges grows us, and I hope we can grow together.

I know it was you when I first saw you.