Thursday, June 15, 2017

Iri.duri.

Alhamdulillah,
Hampir tiga bulan kami berdua, Insya Allah, jika diizinkan tuhan tidak lama lagi, bertiga.

Rezeki kebahagiaan ini hanya tuhan sahaja mampu beri.
Tidak sangka hamba-mu yang penuh dengan kesilapan dan kecacatan ini, masih lagi diberi peluang untuk hidup bahagia.

Bahagia itu subjektif, di rumah aku terasa bagai syurga.
Setiap kali lihat wajah si-dia, aku rasa seperti di awangan.

"Aku harap perasaan ini berkekalan, dan aku harap kami sentiasa begini hingga akhir hayat"

Namun, di tempat kerja, aku rasa hambarnya begitu terasa.

Entah kenapa, sejak tahun lepas suasananya berubah sungguh.
Dahulu, aku mudah berhubung dengan semua, semuanya baik sahaja. Akrab.

Kini, aku rasa begitu jauh terpisahnya ukhwah.
Bukan semua, namun dengan segelintir individu yang pernah aku rapat dahulu.


Dahulu,
Tiap kali bertemu, paling kurang senyuman akan dilemparkan.
Setiap kali ada masa, borak panjang itu wajib.
Bertukar cerita, berkongsi pengalaman, ketawa.
Tidak janggal, rapatnya ukhwah terasa bagai adik beradik meskipun jauh jarak umurnya.

Kini,
berubah sama sekali, contradict.
Bila terserempak tidak bertegur, apatah lagi senyum.
Kadang aku terfikir, salah apa pula aku sudah buat ni?

Bukan seorang, dengan sahabat yang paling rapat juga begitu,
Dahulu segala perkara dicerita bagai tidak berhenti.
Kini, pelik tiba-tiba diasingkan aku tanpa usul bicara.

Aku pun, mungkin ego, malas mahu mengambil tahu.
Silap langkah juga daripada pihak aku.
Mengenang diri diasingkan kadangkala timbul juga iri, dengki.
Namun aku buang semua itu, tiada faedah pun.

Tidak guna mengeruhkan keadaan.

Aku harap ada insan akan bercerita kepada aku, kenapa sampai begini jadinya...
Adakah wujud pemutar cerita penyebab cela dalam perhubungan,
atau aku sendiri yang bersalah tanpa sedar.

Wallahualam.

Aku harap semuanya akan menjadi baik.
Kerana doa aku sentiasa ditujukan kepada kebahagiaan keluarga, isteriku dan rakan-rakan.

Wednesday, March 08, 2017

debar.

... dan masa yang singkat itu, membuatkan aku selalu terfikir sendirian sekarang.

Hidup bakal berubah, rutin dan keutamaan tidak akan sama.
Selepas ini semuanya bakal diputuskan berdua.
Cabaran hidup, momen indah, sedih, duka semuanya berdua.

Tuhan, aku minta semuanya dipermudahkan.
Kekalkanlah kami bersama hingga ke akhir usia,
berikanlah kami kehidupan yang bahagia.

Jika kami diuji, kuatkanlah hati kami, permudahkanlah perjalanan ujian itu.

amin.

Thursday, February 02, 2017

Hard.


It is not easy to just throw one of the most important phase of your life away, to just forget.

I can't.

I want to move on, yes I can, but to forget and think like it has never happened. I can't.
It won't do any justice to the wonderful things that has happened.

No, I don't want to turn and get back like we used to.
I have someone else to care for now.

I just don't want to remove the memories I have with you.
Instead, I want to cherish that memory from start until the end.

I am deleting the visuals and pictures of our time together,
but I will never forget you.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

kita ada misi.

You can never predict your future.

You can work for it, but somehow you can never predict what will happen along the way.
The future may be the thing you want, but sometimes it may not be the thing you dream of.

Looking back on how my life back then, my routine and my decisions is like seeing a different man and different person. A stranger I must say.

Months left before the big day...
I can't wait, somehow...

I promised a good life, but I don't promise it to be sweet , unchallenged.
Challenges grows us, and I hope we can grow together.

I know it was you when I first saw you.

Friday, November 18, 2016

alternate.

Have you ever wondered if there are any alternate universe of your life?
Universe which created upon every decision you have made throughout your whole life.

I always think, what happen if I chose B instead of A,
If I decide not to entertain the text from a girl I knew 6 years ago,
If I decide to walk away from broadcasting industry,

If I decide, 4 years ago not to text that girl, whom I though was living in Kuching but instead she is from the States above the wind,
If I decide to stay with that girl, and go through challenges which I believe is impossible.

What if?

A simple question that always haunt most of us,

Not that I'm regretting the path I have now.
I'm grateful.

It's just sometimes curiosity can led us to think about things that didn't matter anymore,
worse, it can led us to abandon things that matter.

I wish I am not that kind of person.


Thursday, November 17, 2016

overlooked.

I tend to be overlooked at.
I don't know, on every circles of friends I'm in, I will tend to be overlooked at.

It's not that they didn't recognize or even favors me, but in any scenario I will be the last person they want to be together with.

"The last straw ... the last option,"

"least preferred to be with"

Not that they hate me, but I believe that I don't have much chemistry with most people, or I chose not to try that chemistry, I don't know.

... and now I just realized that it's not just in the circles of friends, but family too.

Sad, but I can accept it, 

I want things to go my way, I didn't really think I should do this and that to accomplish things.
I want to live on my own accord.
I may seem normal, but my mind is not.

It's frustrated that when it comes to others help will come in abundance, but not me.

Somehow, I am okay with this. I guess I am adapting...

... to live with my own accord.


Tuesday, November 15, 2016

A new dawn.

I still remember, at this exact same month, last year, I was a different person.

My set of goals is different, my mindset is different and I don't believe in commitments before getting rich.

Guess it's going to change now,
I don't know, people change.

It's the order of nature, things will change...

... and hopefully it's for the better.