it ends.

"I wish to work for us to happen"

was nine months ago.

She was the best, the most precious person I ever been with.
but I just couldn't work it anymore.

She meant for someone else, someone better.

I can't.

"I don't know how to end this conversation" she said.

Me too, didn't know what to say either.

Distance seems permanent, like there is no date clarifying her return.
Frustration, mounting.
She use to be near, whatever happen, I'll be there. Now I just can't.

I can't be there when things hit her hard.

Maybe it is better to hurt now, than later.

"ok" she said,

"ok" I replied.

"beep", the tone heard. end of call.

I never knew a 'beep' can hurt you so much.

now I know.

assurance.

... foolish statement.

Forgetting what have been promised.

"I seek assurance", I asked.
tears were shed.

Disappointed. she is.
\From the tone I heard.

Disappointed. I am,
of what I can't hold.

A promise, to give her assurance of our future.

One that I suddenly seek, from her.
The one I gave assurance to.

If it ends, I am the one at fault.
I am sorry.

If it ends, I can't hurt anyone more.

guts

is what it takes to change everything.

anything, you can think of.

ripped away.

It takes me two and a half year, to actually realize that she is it.

It takes a one way ticket, no return.
It takes a boarding hall... and her walking away.

"for a better life", she said.

It is not like a movie, when the hero realize that she is it, he ran barging into the security, asking his love to come back, to change her mind.

It is simply not like that.

It is like, me, standing still, watching her walk away.
just like that.

Things will be different, and I know it will be.

this is not yet a good bye, I wish this is just a phase,

I wish to work for us to happen.

dream.

is only a dream if you do nothing.
It takes work, sacrifice and a whole lot of patience.

but patience also, have its limit.

I wonder, will my patience ran out?

ticking.

times, clock.

Awaiting for answer that will decide the whole plot.

Life plot.

During time like this, truly I learn how valuable life is,
taken for granted everytime.

I wonder how will I react to the answer,

If it is good, will I appreciate life, or forget its value after a while?

If it is not,
Will I have the strength to receive it?

timeline.

The road you take, is equipped with risk.

You only have one timeline, just one, just once.

I am on my path, the best I think, but somehow,

I slipped and took the ones with risk.

I wonder will I be able to get out cleanly,

or my timeline will ends prematurely.

Since a child, I've planned to sit myself with the greats.

Those who take the best roads, and ends their timeline with fame and greats.

Those people cherish throughout time,

I want to be that,

but the road is not always straight, 

mine seems to be bumpy, and I have fallen...few times.

I wonder will I be long,

or just be a dot in a past, forgotten by mankind..

those who didn't take their chance.

We only have one timeline, just one, just once.

It is up to us, to me, to make it great...

or be forgotten.

I wish I am given chance again.

options

We all have options,
Freedom to choose between which and which.

Lately, I think I chose wrong.
Would I be forgiven?

or be punished ?

I hope for the best.

I want to change.

It's 2015.

and I'm 27.


It's 2 AM, on my birthday's eve, the rain drops heavily.
There I was, going back to my home after a long day working, still chasing dreams.

Can't believe I am at my late twenties...