kita ada misi.

You can never predict your future.

You can work for it, but somehow you can never predict what will happen along the way.

The future may be the thing you want, but sometimes it may not be the thing you dream of.

Looking back on how my life back then, my routine and my decisions is like seeing a different man and different person. A stranger I must say.

Months left before the big day...

I can't wait, somehow...

I promised a good life, but I don't promise it to be sweet , unchallenged.

Challenges grows us, and I hope we can grow together.

I know it was you when I first saw you.

alternate.

Have you ever wondered if there are any alternate universe of your life?
Universe which created upon every decision you have made throughout your whole life.

I always think, what happen if I chose B instead of A,
If I decide not to entertain the text from a girl I knew 6 years ago,
If I decide to walk away from broadcasting industry,

If I decide, 4 years ago not to text that girl, whom I though was living in Kuching but instead she is from the States above the wind,
If I decide to stay with that girl, and go through challenges which I believe is impossible.

What if?

A simple question that always haunt most of us,

Not that I'm regretting the path I have now.
I'm grateful.

It's just sometimes curiosity can led us to think about things that didn't matter anymore,
worse, it can led us to abandon things that matter.

I wish I am not that kind of person.

overlooked.

I tend to be overlooked at.

I don't know, on every circles of friends I'm in, I will tend to be overlooked at.

It's not that they didn't recognize or even favors me, but in any scenario I will be the last person they want to be together with.

"The last straw ... the last option,"

"least preferred to be with"

Not that they hate me, but I believe that I don't have much chemistry with most people, or I chose not to try that chemistry, I don't know.

... and now I just realized that it's not just in the circles of friends, but family too.

Sad, but I can accept it, 

I want things to go my way, I didn't really think I should do this and that to accomplish things.

I want to live on my own accord.

I may seem normal, but my mind is not.

It's frustrated that when it comes to others help will come in abundance, but not me.

Somehow, I am okay with this. I guess I am adapting...

... to live with my own accord.

A new dawn.

I still remember, at this exact same month, last year, I was a different person.

My set of goals is different, my mindset is different and I don't believe in commitments before getting rich.

Guess it's going to change now,
I don't know, people change.

It's the order of nature, things will change...

... and hopefully it's for the better.

shutter freak.

I used to be a shutter freak.

Wherever I go, I will bring my big dslr camera hanging around my neck ready to serve whenever I am in need.

Every moment, every scene, will be recorded.

It lasted only for four years though, a good four years.

Now whenever I open back my archive, those four years will always be the most memorable ones.
Because I recorded it well, and everytime I tell myself I need to take pictures again.

I will forget about it the next day, until I open back my archive the next time.

I don't know. Maybe I am not a shutter freak anymore, maybe the passion isn't there.

Hello.

I might be back.
I said that I want to post pictures, brings colors to this faded blog once again.

I couldn't.

Life is somehow weird this year. I foolishly lost someone dear to me early this year, couldn't really recover, lost someone important in my life, my fault.

but it is for the better, for both of us, I believe.

Life must go on, and I am looking forward to this new life.

You only live once, better make sure you live it with a great partner.

The lady in red.

This time, it is different,
I am the one who inflicted the damage,
but that doesn't mean I am not hurt.

This time, it hurts so bad, I wish there's a time machine where I can make things right again.

but that's not how this world works.

We used to go on a film dates frequently.
I will keep the tickets and put it on a clipboard, in my room.
I even kept our first film date ticket, and that marks our anniversary date.
used to.

Everything inside this room, reminds me of her, my lady in red, used to.

Life must go on,
I take off all the tickets, all the gift, all the books, everything reminds me of her, inside a box.

A box I may not open again.

All is done, and i take the final look.

Indeed, she is my lady in red,

the scarf she gave me before I took on my 48 days journey two years ago, is in red.
special coke that I made with her name on it, but never get to send it to her, is in red.
my first gift box for her, is in red.
our first football match VIP ticket, is in red.

I put it all in the box, and keep it safe somewhere.
It is to precious to be thrown away.

but, a gold pen, she gave me on my birthday last year,
I kept it, I will use it.

The gold pen has a special words on it, from her to me...

"chase your dream"

I will dear, I will.

I am sorry I have to end this wonderful relationship,
but if god willing, and I have achieved my dreams.

and you're still there.
I will come back, for good.

thank you,
my lady in red, used to.