adil.

Kadang-kadang tuhan tarik rezeki, dan beri pada yang lain.
untuk kita lihat dan sedar kembali apa yang hilang.



Aku harap aku diberi peluang.

upside down inside out.

I still remember the days when two of my friend, a couple.
fall in love, formed a formidable team, shares great chemistry,
survived two university phase together, looked like they're moving on to the next level and

then separated.

Until now I didn't see any reason why they should be, after all, they're my best friend.

I didn't know the whole story, so I just assume it's fate.

Today, both of them live a different set of life, different place, maybe different style of thinking too.
but I believe they're still the same person inside.

As a spectator from a far, I can only say, I miss our time together, as friends, embarking a journey doing assignments, exploring the unknowns, setting a dream that still today seems hard but not impossible.


I learned that, no matter how well u plan and tried to protect some things,
it can eventually turns otherwise.


You can never predict life.

terima.

when the time is right,
you will bring up that topic,
and you will ask me the ultimatum.

if things turns out bad, you will leave.

and when you leave, I promise to myself, that I will start to go out around the world,
and heal this heart.


until then, I will be prepared.

distance.

first problem, distance.

With too much things falls on me day by day, I often neglected the soul I should prioritize most.

I guess, no matter how strong one's heart is, distance could break 'em.
If it couldn't break, it will make em' fragile, unable to hold any misses anymore.

scary thought haunts,
the heart's haunted.

Hope everything will be okay,
I can't wait to repay all my debts when we met again.

pegangan.

"Hidup berlalu terlampau pantas."

quote yang sememangnya sudah banyak kali aku guna.

Tapi itulah kebenaran.

Cuma kali ini, kebenarannya tampak lebih jelas.

Dulu hidup semasa belajar,

misi dari hari ke hari ialah untuk mengalami perkara baru,

tidak mengapa tergelincir, janji pengalaman dirasa.

Pergi ke kelas, balik dari kelas, tidur.

Hidup aman, nyenyak, meskipun dibelenggu kerja rumah,

tapi, kerja rumah hanya masalah hujung semester,

selepas itu, kembali tidur, 

menikmati masa, bersama rakan alami kemeriahan hidup.

Kini, semua berubah,

hidup dari hari ke sehari membanting tulang,

untuk menikmati faedah lumayan yang sedapnya dirasa tidak lebih dua minggu.

Segala risiko diambil, bakal mengubah masa depan.

Reputasi perlu dijaga, supaya mulut orang tidak berbunyi bising.

Pengalaman dialami lebih besar, dan lebih berharga.

Tetapi untuk meraih ilmu daripada pengalaman sebegitu, korban tenaga begitu banyak.

Rakan, berubah dimensi.

Yang lama semakin mengambil haluan baru.

Tapi tidak bermakna terpisah, cuma jarang melekat.

Suasana riuh, kini sepi.

Hanya tinggal memori...

... dan pegangan yang masih kuat,

untuk mengejar mimpi.

buang masa.

Kadang-kadang,
bila aku hanyut dek kerana keinginan dan sifat terlalu teruja.

Aku renung kembali masa lalu yang gelap,
menyumpah seranah seorang diri,
memikirkan betapa bodohnya diri mengabdikan diri,
membazirkan masa, membuang tenaga,
kepada sesuatu yang tidak pasti...

... yang jelas tidak tahu apa erti syukur dan saling menghargai.

Aku pernah fikir, adakah dunia ini begitu tipikal?
Indah dihargai, meskipun isinya buruk.

Kemudian aku diam,
sumpah seranah berhenti,
perasaan syukur mula timbul,
kerana jika tidak ditemukan dengan entiti yang sebegitu,
aku tidak akan belajar.

Aku tidak akan belajar.

Erti sia-sia, Erti hidup.

Aku pandang kembali ke masa hadapan,
cuba mentafsir dugaan dan ujian satu persatu,
dengan bekal pengalaman.

Aku harap ia tidak berulang,
jika ia berulang sekalipun, aku harap ia tidak seteruk dahulu.

Bangkit.

khayal.

Ia seperti dadah,
sekali dicuba, bangkit keinginan untuk terus mencuba.

Ia seperti dadah,
masa terasa lama,
keadaan persekitaran terus tidak dipedulikan,
yang penting, hanyalah apa yang terjadi ketika itu.

Senyum, tawa, suasana terasa indah,
seperti esok tidak ada.

Ia seperti dadah,
selepas saatnya berakhir,
peristiwa terus kekal bermain di minda,
akal dan hati berkonflik,
hal dunia dirasakan tidak penting.

Ia seperti dadah,
tetapi tidak upaya untuk membunuh,
cuma mampu menyeleweng.

Gunanya akal, untuk mewaraskan hati.
supaya tidak taksub.

Agar dadah, tidak bertukar menjadi nasi basi.
indah bertukar jemu.
tawa bertukar hiba.

favor

To be favoured,

is not my usual day to day experience.

Even in my closest circle, 

I find myself,

the least fond members by most...

...well, that's what I think..

and that might be true.

I know,

Even though I tend to lose focus on what's going on after 3 minutes.

I'm quite observant on my own way.

but its okay,

because I'm used to it..

and maybe also because,

I kind of...

...do the same thing towards the others too..

Karma, is a bitch.

move.

Frustration and failure cause us to be careful of every steps we made.
last week, I entered a familiar world, a lifestyle whom I left not so long ago.

There's shadows and image everywhere,
replays and mimics things I've done with a person before..
.. and that cause me to be more careful, to not thrown deeper into my own feelings,
only to be left out, under appreciated and again frustrated.

slow and steady, this time.
I'll take my time.

Exploring one by one,
discovering things day by day,
building it, slowly, bricks by bricks.

The shadows will not gone,
it is a valuable lesson.

Steps by steps,
Slowly, carefully..
... forward I go,

falls head first.

To kill oneself, over an issue,
is a stupid move.
come on, if you can think to jump,
and end life, just like that...

then why don't you just do something with great risk?
invest big on something new?
climb a mountain with dangerous peak?
do something that will guarantee you a 70% death?

at least you are doing something fun/thrilling/scary.
it's not like you're afraid to die ain't you?


though, I believe some people couldn't stand up on their own,
but it does not mean you need to bear and be hurt yourself?
find a friend,
change.

since you're thinking of killing yourself.
why don't you just try,

it's not like you're afraid of anything ain't you?



ps: I might be high.

earn.

To prove people wrong,

is the best feeling ever.

I'm not gifted with the best looks and talents,

but I am on my way to use what I have,

to reach the stars.

The best player, is a person who are capable of using whatever he/she have in hands,

and turn it onto something beautiful, meaningful, profitable even.

and yes, I'm on my way to master that.

ps : oh yea, yesterday marks the anniversary of this blog first post, lots of things happen afterwards. When I read back the first post, I'm unsured of who is the writer of this blog, but then, time changes people, changes me,

though I still believe there are grammatical errors hidden somewhere in this post.

pick.

They say, follow the flow..

.. and things will come pick you up, one by one.

Then life will show you the way, guides you to the correct path it believe.

But ,

what if things aren’t that simple?

What if there’s like a monster and scoundrels come haunting you all the way..

Lingering around your thoughts every time you decide to decide a decision?

Living a life is a risk,

And this is a risk I’m willing to take..

Not that I’m going to die anyway.

critics.

Some people can only do critics,

but they can't do things that they criticize on.

It's okay to give opinions full with suggestion and stating flaws positively.

but to bash and criticize using harsh words, is an evil thing to do.

attraction.

Looks is everything, at first.


after that, personality and situation takes the crown.

distracted.

Everytime I'm distracted, and forget who I am, and who I was..
I will sit down, keep my calm,
and remember...

... the reason why I chose this path.

ghostly past.

A long time ago,

after a pathetic heartbreak, I told myself.

"you need to man up, study, chase your dreams, and reach the stars"

After a few years, came a distraction.

I forgot,

and carried away.

Today, I stumble upon a ghost.

Still the same.

not all has changed since last we met.

and that smile.

melts.

It's like she didn't age.

and suddenly I remember my vow.

I've done my study, but still chasing my dreams,

blindly chasing.

and haven't reach the stars.